


Finjob

by imperativa



Category: Free!
Genre: I tried really hard, Kinda, M/M, PWP, but it's okay bc he's got a fish in his bathtub so, fucking vampire anime stop ruining my swimming homos, haru may be a little ooc?, i didn't know how to write mermaid porn tbh, i struggled with this a lot, i think i got sou's personality down pretty good tho, i'm also sorry it's so short, i'm losing my touch at writing free! fanfiction :(, it's more funny than anything, mermaid au, sorry it's kind of tame, sousuke the merman, spending too much time writing mikayuu apparently
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-05-10 05:15:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5572357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imperativa/pseuds/imperativa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>That awkward moment when there is a merman in your bathtub and you don't know what to do with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Finjob

**Author's Note:**

  * For [devious-sex-monster (darkotter)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkotter/gifts).



It was a Tuesday morning when Haruka decided to take a walk on the beach. It was six in the morning, the sun was still set, and there was a weird human-like fish lying unconscious in front of him. What a way to start a day.

* * *

 “It’s a merman, Makoto.”

_“Haru, that can’t be possible.”_

“Yeah, well. It is. And it’s in my bathtub.”

_“Okay. And how long has it been in your bathtub?”_

“Since this morning when I found it unconscious on the beach…”

_“HARU! And you’re just now telling me? How in the world did you get it back to your house?!”_

“…”

_“Haru-chan, if you’re shrugging your shoulders, I can’t hear you.”_

“…I guess…I just did. And drop the –chan.”

_“What are you planning on doing with it?”_

“I don’t know. I can’t even get him to eat.”

_“First thing’s first: get him to eat so he doesn’t die.”_

“I tried feeding it mackerel…”

_“Was it cooked or raw?”_

“…”

“ _Haru, try again. And then we can go from there.”_  

* * *

 

Haru held the plate of fried mackerel out to the merman in his bathtub. The large creature had an almost bored look on his face, teal eyes glancing around the small washroom every now and then. When Haru pushed the plate closer, the merman turned away stiffly.

Haru sighed and sat back on his haunches. “This is hopeless,” he muttered to himself.

“No, you are the hopeless one, human.”

Haru stared at the merman in shock. Did it just-?

“Did you just talk?”

The merman snorted and placed his hand on his chest mockingly. “No, it was the other merman you have in your,” the creature patted bathtub with his hand, “strange human bowl.”

Haru furrowed his brows at the fish-man. Not only did he find a stubborn merman, but he was a snarky little shit to boot. Lucky him. He picked the plate of mackerel up and scooted himself closer to the tub. “Are you hungry?”

The creature wrinkled his nose in disgust. “I do not consume- what do you humans call it? Fried? Fried mackerel. My standards are not _that_ low.”

Haru stared at the fried fish resting on the plate. He took the time to make extra mackerel, his precious mackerel, for the stupid thing and he wouldn’t even try it? He set the plate aside and crossed his arms indignantly. “Then you can starve for all I care.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.” 

* * *

 

The creature _did_ start to starve, it seemed. Two days passed, and he still didn’t touch the plate of mackerel. Haru checked on him every few hours or so, and he would huff and look away from the blue gaze.

On the third day, Haru had enough.

“I need to bathe. And you need to eat.”

The raven haired man pulled the old plate of food away (it was starting to smell terrible, _honestly_ ) and handed the lethargic merman a new plate of mackerel. This time, however, the mackerel was uncooked.

The merman sniffed the air and pouted. “Fine. I will eat it.” He snatched the fish from the plate and inhaled the entire thing whole. He spit the bones into his hand and placed them on the plate. “Thank you.”

“At least you’re polite,” Haru hummed and snorted.

“Whatever. Please leave.”

“I think you missed the part where I said I needed to bathe.”

The merman frowned. “I do not understand this terminology.”

“It means I’m dirty and I need to clean myself.”

“By all means,” the merman gestured to the bathtub and flapped his large teal fin. “Go right ahead and do that, human.”

“Haru,” said the ‘human’ as he started to remove his clothing. “My name is Haru.”

“I am Sousuke.”

Haru merely nodded in response before stripping himself completely (left in his jammers, of course) and stepping into the bath with Sousuke.

“What are you doing, Haru the human!?” Sousuke bit out and the two splashed most of the water from the tub as they tried to make room to accommodate each other.

“Bathing.”

“With me?”

“Mm.”

“I do not like this, Haru the human.”

“Drop ‘the human.’”

“Aren’t humans supposed to shed their skin all the way to wash?”

“Shut up.” 

* * *

 

By the end of the week, Haru found himself becoming more and more intrigued by Sousuke, though he wouldn’t admit it. He asked the creature of his life under water, and the merman, bored as he was, told him different tales. Sousuke told him he had been out hunting with his mate, Rin, and the two were separated when they were too close to the shore during a storm. He was sure that Rin made it home safely, but Sousuke himself wasn’t so lucky when he hit his head on the pier, aka where Haru found him on the beach.

And from the beach, Haru somehow managed to get Sousuke to his house without being seen. And into the tub. Where they were currently sitting. And had been for about an hour. Completely naked.

“Do all humans have that appendage, Haru the human?”

Did….did the merman just ask Haru about his dick?

Haru’s cheeks flushed bright red. “Stop adding ‘the human’ on my name.”

“My apologies, Haru,” Sousuke scoffed and rolled his eyes.

Haru turned away from the merman and made to get out of the tub. He felt a hand snake around his waist and pull him back into the water with a _splash_.

“What are you doing?” Haru sputtered and shook water from his hair.

Two strong arms were wrapped tightly around Haru’s waist. His breath hitched when a voice whispered hotly in his ear, “You did not answer my question, human.”

Haru gulped. Sousuke’s grip was letting up, and he started to rub his large hands down Haru’s taut chest.

“Ah, um. All male humans-“ he paused when the hands went lower, “-what are you doing?”

“I am enjoying your anatomy, human.”

The hell?

“My…what?”

The merman nibbled on the human’s ear. “You are aroused, are you not? I know enough about humans to know when they are ready to reproduce.”

The black haired man’s eyed widened when the merman’s hand finally gripped his cock, giving it a few languid strokes. Haru gasped and threw his head back against Sousuke’s shoulder.

“A mermaid is,” Haru’s breath hitched, “really giving me a _handjob_ in my own bathtub right now?”

“Merman,” Sousuke corrected him. “And it would seem so, human.”

The merman grinned and stroked him harder and faster, enjoying the little noises that came from the human’s mouth.

“Why are you doing this?” Haru asked with a moan. “Not…ah, not that I’m complaining.” His back arched beautifully as he came in Sousuke’s hand, milky strings of cum mixing with the tepid bathwater.

“I am interested in how humans procreate,” Sousuke laughed. “Plus, you have a very adorable face.”

“I’m bringing you back to the ocean.”

Haru turned around to face Sousuke and he straddled his lap. “Why did you do that?”

“I wanted to,” Sousuke deadpanned. He lifted his hand, the one smeared in Haru’s cum, and inspected it. “Interesting.” He raised the hand to his mouth and gave it a lick. “Salty. Like the ocean.”

" _I cannot believe you-_ "

**Author's Note:**

> merry christmas, lmao. I hope you get a laugh out of this :')
> 
> and thx to my senpai for thinking of the lame ass title LMAO


End file.
